“Disasterous Lawn Billboard Flood & The Transport Strike” (Safar Badnaamah, Season 2, Episode 1)



It’s been a long time since my last travelogue update; however, things are pretty interesting around the city to strike me into hitting the keyboard yet again.

These days, Karachi is going through it’s phase of natural disaster … yes! The lawn billboard flood overwhelming OOH advertising to the extent of making one feel nauseous.  Unfortunately, all brands decided to spam the roads all at once, you can drag spam emails in a spam folder but what to do about these here, there and everywhere lawn billboards? This ‘in the face’ fatigue is quite sufficient to disgust the potential customer or rather confuse her or even ‘him’. Perhaps one day there will be a job opening of an ‘Advertising Exorcist’ for the purpose of keeping roads free from the unanimous clutter.



Indian models are so much  in demand these days that it seems Pakistani models have abandoned their occupation for the practice of purda system or maybe some of them gave up with their bulimia. It’s strange how some of the unknown or rather comparatively less renowned brands have afforded these Indian models, say for example, Crescent Lawn which I am quite oblivious of myself but then my knowledge of such brands is hopeless as a result of it falling prey to ignorance and beyond my interest level. Ms. Sen endorses this particular brand right adjacent to the Tariq Road cemetery, oh the ghosts would be so proud of her after feeling purple with Lux’s purple soap billboard a few days back.

Right opposite to Regent plaza are two billboards of Firdous Lawn, this time they decided to go for Deepika and Shaista, though the former personality might be used for an upward stretch to the brand, the other one looks more like a downward stretch to cater to two unique sets of target audiences … Aww!!! Junaid Jamshed seemed to have Shariah compliant billboards unlike the others but the profit margin rip off deal seems non Shariah compliant at the same time … huh? Extremism …

Everyday while going for my classes I feel sick with this lawn advertisement bombardment especially when Dou Talwar is completely haunted by them all. A few days back after their exhibition Asim Jofa billboards decided to shout a big ‘Thank You!’ in black background … Amidst this chaos and frenzy, may God have mercy on the soul of our lawn flood affected Karachi. Ameen!

Thursday marked the commencement of a transportation strike and thanks to it I got to travel in a joyride, rickshaw after a long time. Knowing that I won’t get my bus that particular day I thought whether or not to miss the class but despite those thoughts I couldn’t think of missing my class, it was a Marketing class, had it been HR or Finance I would have had peaceful intentions of staying at home. Finally I got hold of my joy ride … so tips for travelling alone in a rickshaw:

Tip 1: Look for a Pathan driver …

Tip 2: Look for a Pathan driver …
.
.
.
Tip 3: Only look for a Pathan driver!!!

However, this particular driver was chewing betel leaf with his constant filth contribution to the society at regular intervals with residue that he spat on the road, he seemed to be a case of identity crises when Pathan drivers usually consume Niswar, unbranded usually with a stench so strong that would make you sick.
While enjoying the jumping jack joy ride, I happened to have asked him about the situation of the strike the next day and he didn’t stop after that. What impressed me was his awareness about current affairs as he seemed to be educated to an extent … from that moment until I reached SZABIST he kept on enlightening me about what he had been reading in the newspaper and the current affairs! These people are the real voters in Pakistan, they know a lot!

“Zardari hasn’t even left clothes on people anymore”, he said, “Unfortunately in our country the cheapest thing is death and human beings!” he scoffed. “We buy flour every week, it started off with Rs. 1,200 but the price increases by Rs. 50 on a weekly basis … these strikes would only be successful if the entire nation is supportive, not driving buses won’t help much.”

Then he upgraded my knowledge about how China had offered us help with the coal powered electricity generation and how much natural resources we have to be self sufficient but in vain. According to him he went to his village in Swat after fifteen years, there used to be a coal reserve which is still there but hasn’t been put to use. That day it there was a lot more he taught me before my own teacher could teach me in the class and thanks to him I finally made it to my Marketing class that I did not want to miss. Often, people face difficulty guiding rickshaw drivers about SZABIST but he knew it as a university inside … something that most do not know about.

The funny part that I have observed is that some students when coming to school through rickshaws prefer to get off a long distance away from the gate so that no one sees them travelling in this vehicle … It makes me wonder why they feel ashamed of being spotted in such a wonderful joy ride that has so much of fun to offer … it’s better than a public bus but then again there is no point of even travelling in a public bus, as long as you get to complete your studies any mode of transportation is a blessing so is your education! Ask the worth of education from a person who is not able to continue with it! Ask the worth of travelling in a public transport from the person who feels crippled due to a transportation strike!

Today was the continuation of the same strike, thanks to the Midterm I got to catch a rickshaw again1 Wow I loved the ride again. However, the stupid terrorist, idiotic group, MQM had blocked the street around Dou Talwar for their idiot tantrum cry baby crapping get together! The nation is literally sick of their BULL S**T! They block ways and rob people!

"Window of Opportunity"



Three credit hours you must attend,
the window of opportunity awaits you.
Study, but if you can't pretend,
this window is made for you, few!
Each class has a set of two,
have mercy on the teacher who has had enough of you!
Huge classes must witness splits,
for, the week becomes short of days ...
... but the window of opportunity is a test of your wits!
Marketing has taught you a lot,
apply an extension to this definition you have got!
It leads three stories down,
for a flight, so heavenly ...
... that would lead to a completely new town,
with this even your angels might agree!
With backbenchers differentiated shopping discussions,
these two (windows) were made for resulting repercussions!
Escape which you must ...
... for, ashes are for ashes and credit hour dust is for dust!


Disclaimer: At some point in time we get stuck in this 'Window of Opportunity' situation when we are forced to study an elective we don't want to, for example, Marketing majors are made to study a Finance  and HR elective while Finance majors too have to study Marketing ... Thus, this window seems to be the right escaping route ...

Nazia the Vampiress “Vampiricide through Social Media Exorcism” (Season 1, Episode 8, possibly the last)


Disclaimer: Ok here we go, disclaimer is at the beginning … All characters in this story are imaginary. Any resemblance to anyone dead, undead, haunting or trying to live is simply a coincidence. Don't start assuming things, try educated guesses . . . if you still fail and relate them to real life characters, it’s not vampires’ fault, you were warned already … besides, the author is not paid by VAMPIRES to write this, it’s not paid content my dear … =)


To Nazia’s horror, Faraz kept on glowing brighter and brighter and that meant something was wrong but she couldn’t yet understand what. A frog that had consumed a light bulb simply couldn’t make him glow that much when eaten. When vampires get into marketing, they become vulnerable to being recognized and with a lot of contribution in the total ad spend of Rs. 30.08 billion for fiscal year 2010. In spite of all the recessionary downturn, this industry had witnessed an 11.5% increase over the year and the brotherhood of vampires knew it all … those creative people excelling at copyrighting and knowing it all.

“Hey Nazia! You know what??!!! Toots found out …” said Scrooge.

“Found out what?” she asked, a little alarmed.

“Well she found out that I am one of your kind and that we are vampires in mutual terms …” he replied, “she found out when her cat went missing one day and my canines looked sharp but she forgave me finally … though excited about what I really am.”

“How many times have I told you to transform your taste and stay away from cats and where were those straws you were using after getting your teeth from hell whitened up? Oh hey wait! I’m not completely a vampire; I am still more than 50% human.” Nazia snapped.

“Whatever … HELLO! Whatever … forget about how much human you are, even completely born humans don’t act like humans anymore … Find a way to kill Faraz’s glow!”

Faraz seemed anxious and hibernation deprived since Karachi hardly even witnessed the slightest pinch of cold. “I’m worried I might have left a clue as to what I am, last semester in our ‘Self Brand Analysis Report’ I made up stories despite of which Mr. Sinclair penned down his comments: ‘You sound like a vampire! I hate vampires! I hunt vampires! They ate my CATS!!!’
I tried to write as many stories as possible not to make it sound personal but God knows how he thought that way … WE ARE BEING HUNTED!!! HELP!” he exclaimed.

“Yes they are spraying vampiricide in the city, oxidating us actually, the phenyl oxalate ester they are spraying reacts with hydrogen peroxide in our cold blood cells to make us glow. That’s how they want to make us extinct!” explained Scrooge.

“WHAT IN HEAVEN!!!” expressed Nazia with her jaw dropping fear, “They can’t do this to us! They’ll track us down to school and yes we will be glowing after our fourth time slot classes! Damn! Everybody will get to know … but who is this ‘they’?”

Eventually some mutual vampire in the brotherhood had updated his Facebook status saying, ‘[XYZ] is thirsty for B+ and mouth watering RBC’s’ which eventually had got the problem started and according to Scrooge, the local officials were screening down mutual friends.

“See the power of social media, now that’s what’s interactive. They first tried to strike a deal asking for a 10% share and tried justifying that it’s inflation adjusted given the current unemployment level at 30%. The brotherhood refused and now they are after us.” Highlighted Scrooge with somewhat glee and excitement in his tone, he found it challenging, “Apparently, out of the $14.48 billion foreign exchange reserves $2 are being wasted to produce Vampiricide.”

That could be a useful strategy for school too since classes were overcrowded and teachers were worried into splitting them for separate slots and days, especially for electives, however, having one or two students (vampires) less out of a total population of humans would not make much of a difference, classes would still be overcrowded with the quest for gaining knowledge or discussing their wardrobe for back benchers. This slight managing issue was still not to cause 'brandonment' for old students but could have been possible for new ones ...

All three sat together to deviate from the already overwhelming topic.
“Hey guys you know Omore is in Karachi finally, let’s go have it someday, it’s an evidence that 2011 is here,” Faraz chuckled since people were told this brand will be launched this particular year.

Photo courtesy: Sarosh Waiz
                                                   

Nazia pounce with excitement, “Yeaaaaaaaah! For about two years those 2 out of three advertising functions were there, ‘inform’ and ‘persuade’ but there was no physical existence to actually ‘remind’ us about the product to make it a brand.”

“Apart from their other ads did you know the jingle one was an adaptation from Coca Cola’s classic jingle in the 1990’s” continued Scrooge.



“Oh really?” asked Nazia “But nothing can beat their 1971 Christmas Hilltop Commercial … Their creative director was Bill Backer and the agency was McCann Erikson but according to what I read when the ad was first launched on radio it flopped, however, it did wonders when the television waves got to have a taste of it …people requested it to be played again and again on radio … it’s simply amazing …”


“Hmmm … I wonder why an ad would get flopped on one medium and do wonders on the other …” added Faraz “Someone please clarify my curiosity I would want an answer for this.”
Each one of them knew they could be hunted down any moment but their conversation added to their craze for ‘Marketing’   


"Jingles seem to have a good recall but you should know that some jingles have recall value simply because they are awfully annoying ... remember Telefun?" 

All of a sudden Nazia felt a lump in her throat and started to glow as well …


 

If This World Could Be at Peace

Picture Source: www.childrenforapeacefulworld.com



If this world could be at peace
for all at once,
all humanity would be at ease,
and there shall be no guns.
It would be a happy place,
with smiles painted on every face!
A merry note of nightingales
would be everywhere;
to see flowers bloom.
Everyone, hand in hand, would live to care,
and there shall be no sorrow or gloom!
If this world could be at peace
to avoid ugly wars,
all hatred would just cease,
like the sky and shiny stars!



Whose Life are We living???


If I don't think my thoughts ...
If I don't talk my words ...
If I don't listen through my own ears,
and I don't walk my path ...
Whose life am I living?

If I choose the same path of oblivion,
If I'm doing what everybody else is doing,
then whose destiny am I carving?

If I don't respect the differences in others,
and force my existence with a mindless mindset ...
... do I still have the right to be called a human?

If I was born unique,
why have I made myself so undifferentiated?

This is something to ask myself,
before it's too late ...
... because it's very late already!!!