Nazia the Vampiress “Vampiricide through Social Media Exorcism” (Season 1, Episode 8, possibly the last)

Saturday, January 22, 2011 Heba Moeen 3 Comments

Disclaimer: Ok here we go, disclaimer is at the beginningAll characters in this story are imaginary. Any resemblance to anyone dead, undead, haunting or trying to live is simply a coincidence. Don't start assuming things, try educated guesses . . . if you still fail and relate them to real life characters, it’s not vampires’ fault, you were warned already … besides, the author is not paid by VAMPIRES to write this, it’s not paid content my dear … =)

To Nazia’s horror, Faraz kept on glowing brighter and brighter and that meant something was wrong but she couldn’t yet understand what. A frog that had consumed a light bulb simply couldn’t make him glow that much when eaten. When vampires get into marketing, they become vulnerable to being recognized and with a lot of contribution in the total ad spend of Rs. 30.08 billion for fiscal year 2010. In spite of all the recessionary downturn, this industry had witnessed an 11.5% increase over the year and the brotherhood of vampires knew it all … those creative people excelling at copyrighting and knowing it all.

“Hey Nazia! You know what??!!! Toots found out …” said Scrooge.

“Found out what?” she asked, a little alarmed.

“Well she found out that I am one of your kind and that we are vampires in mutual terms …” he replied, “she found out when her cat went missing one day and my canines looked sharp but she forgave me finally … though excited about what I really am.”

“How many times have I told you to transform your taste and stay away from cats and where were those straws you were using after getting your teeth from hell whitened up? Oh hey wait! I’m not completely a vampire; I am still more than 50% human.” Nazia snapped.

“Whatever … HELLO! Whatever … forget about how much human you are, even completely born humans don’t act like humans anymore … Find a way to kill Faraz’s glow!”

Faraz seemed anxious and hibernation deprived since Karachi hardly even witnessed the slightest pinch of cold. “I’m worried I might have left a clue as to what I am, last semester in our ‘Self Brand Analysis Report’ I made up stories despite of which Mr. Sinclair penned down his comments: ‘You sound like a vampire! I hate vampires! I hunt vampires! They ate my CATS!!!’
I tried to write as many stories as possible not to make it sound personal but God knows how he thought that way … WE ARE BEING HUNTED!!! HELP!” he exclaimed.

“Yes they are spraying vampiricide in the city, oxidating us actually, the phenyl oxalate ester they are spraying reacts with hydrogen peroxide in our cold blood cells to make us glow. That’s how they want to make us extinct!” explained Scrooge.

“WHAT IN HEAVEN!!!” expressed Nazia with her jaw dropping fear, “They can’t do this to us! They’ll track us down to school and yes we will be glowing after our fourth time slot classes! Damn! Everybody will get to know … but who is this ‘they’?”

Eventually some mutual vampire in the brotherhood had updated his Facebook status saying, ‘[XYZ] is thirsty for B+ and mouth watering RBC’s’ which eventually had got the problem started and according to Scrooge, the local officials were screening down mutual friends.

“See the power of social media, now that’s what’s interactive. They first tried to strike a deal asking for a 10% share and tried justifying that it’s inflation adjusted given the current unemployment level at 30%. The brotherhood refused and now they are after us.” Highlighted Scrooge with somewhat glee and excitement in his tone, he found it challenging, “Apparently, out of the $14.48 billion foreign exchange reserves $2 are being wasted to produce Vampiricide.”

That could be a useful strategy for school too since classes were overcrowded and teachers were worried into splitting them for separate slots and days, especially for electives, however, having one or two students (vampires) less out of a total population of humans would not make much of a difference, classes would still be overcrowded with the quest for gaining knowledge or discussing their wardrobe for back benchers. This slight managing issue was still not to cause 'brandonment' for old students but could have been possible for new ones ...

All three sat together to deviate from the already overwhelming topic.
“Hey guys you know Omore is in Karachi finally, let’s go have it someday, it’s an evidence that 2011 is here,” Faraz chuckled since people were told this brand will be launched this particular year.

Photo courtesy: Sarosh Waiz

Nazia pounce with excitement, “Yeaaaaaaaah! For about two years those 2 out of three advertising functions were there, ‘inform’ and ‘persuade’ but there was no physical existence to actually ‘remind’ us about the product to make it a brand.”

“Apart from their other ads did you know the jingle one was an adaptation from Coca Cola’s classic jingle in the 1990’s” continued Scrooge.

“Oh really?” asked Nazia “But nothing can beat their 1971 Christmas Hilltop Commercial … Their creative director was Bill Backer and the agency was McCann Erikson but according to what I read when the ad was first launched on radio it flopped, however, it did wonders when the television waves got to have a taste of it …people requested it to be played again and again on radio … it’s simply amazing …”

“Hmmm … I wonder why an ad would get flopped on one medium and do wonders on the other …” added Faraz “Someone please clarify my curiosity I would want an answer for this.”
Each one of them knew they could be hunted down any moment but their conversation added to their craze for ‘Marketing’   

"Jingles seem to have a good recall but you should know that some jingles have recall value simply because they are awfully annoying ... remember Telefun?" 

All of a sudden Nazia felt a lump in her throat and started to glow as well …


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  1. ajeeb ho =/ bola na write more!! take a break and then start season two!!

  2. btw its me sadia!! ^_^

  3. Ahhh finally you commented!

    So this story is in demand now eh? Haha ... Sadia why do you always show up as anonymous?