Tales and Tails of Nehr-e-Khayyam - Episode 6

‘Treasure discovered in the depths of 



(Naala of yesteryear … beautiful canal of Naya Pakistan)

In a parallel universe, life continued post ‘FLY APOCALYPSE’, the indifferent human species did not cease to exist, and immunity was CPEC-ed too; a fly was considered protein while people thought it unwise to consider cleanliness being half faith. Immunity was only partially affected, being derided by the fly attack. It was the filthiest of times, it was the most hygienic of times, it was the age of economic boom, it was the age of hyperinflation! It was the season of CPEC, it was the season of Naya Pakistan! It was now or never, it was now or be doomed forever! Well … Charles Dickens much, huh!
Moving on …

“I used to be scared of the monsters under my bed until I got to be acquainted with change,” sighed Kuttay, “for change is a transition from your comfort zone to oblivion to … and until you reach the next comfort zone, you have to keep digging your hole deeper and deeper ...”
“Oh my dear Kuttay! Have you been watching a lot of X-Files lately? You sound like the half demented Fox Mulder … you need a Dana Scully in your life to balance it out.” replied Doggo and started humming ‘take my breath away’ by Berlin.

“You seem to be consuming a great deal of intellectual content lately … is something wrong … or rather has something gone right with your very existence?” questioned Kuttay while lying on the ‘Ghabrana nahi hai’ jetty.

Humans with QR codes printed on their napes roamed around and scuba dived into the crystal clear waters of Nehr-e-Khayyam. Those with tourist rating of over 4 were given a free tour to the deepest level where stunning mermaids were found.

The government had taken an initiative to clean the canal which did not require cleaning since there was no need, especially because of the phenomenal civic sense prevailing in this society (well okay … LOL, whatever). However, rumour had it that there was pre-partition treasure recently being discovered at the mermaid level of Nehr-e-Khayyam. Despite the denial of the authorities, more and more tourists flocked towards the spot, anticipating a jackpot while leading to remarkable levels of revenue being collected. As a result, the government started contemplating returning the last few Dollars owed to the IMF.

Apparently, the federal government had installed heavy machinery, excavating coal that unsheathed invaluable diamonds, and centuries old gold and silver coins (if you do not believe the writer, come and see for yourself … there is clay and slimy coal residue resting along the banks of the canal … you all have this persistent habit of denying the reality, NO? National issue huh!). 

A weekend magazine called ‘Naala Leaks’ had published the picture of some of the treasure that was discovered, estimating its value at Rs. 50 million. Since then, the editor of the magazine had disappeared keeping the nation guessing regarding his whereabouts. 

Conspiracy theorists said that he had been exported to China along with the naala dogs (oops … the scenic tourist, clean canal spot in Clifton) while some mentioned that he was sucked in by a flying saucer and dropped in China, face down so that he could not stand out from … well again, same conclusion. Duh! 

“Look! A mermaid! The raison d'être of our local and foreign tourists.” giggled Doggo. 

“What’s so funny?” asked Kuttay. 

“This being-watched-world is funny while life in general is sad …” expressed Doggo, “we are merely catalysts for the change in its mood.”

Tales and Tails of Nehr-e-Khayyam Episode 5 - ‘Raison d'être’

Naala of yesteryear … beautiful canal of Naya Pakistan)



“The world is getting Trumped sooner than expected … I know how it will end now ... It will be a political apocalypse,” sighed Kuttay while half-dipping in Nehr-e-Khayyam (and displacing water molecules of equal mass), “someone will make their country great again by building boundary walls among other things, some will make their country great again by Brexiting and colonising internally. As for us; we are the greatest of all, anyway … although we are merely existing, though at times it may be common sense so to speak …”

“But I like candy floss. It’s even better when it’s spread around the head of a great thinker, especially if it's blonde … It’s classy, you know!” exclaimed Doggo with excitement, as he jumped around, splashing water like the great blue whale.

“It’s a depiction of unhealthy stuff – sugar! And having it on one’s head casts a nonintellectual shadow anyway ... blow dried candy floss,” reasoned Kuttay.

Some foreign tourists stood in a long queue to reach the ‘Ghabrana Nahi Hai Jetty’ as they awaited their biometric verification to be able to have access to one of the most scenic tourist destinations. 

Everyone was getting a QR code imprinted on their nape one by one and their rating data stored ... it was a depiction of modern day assembly line. 

A pod of dolphins jumped out and into the water, much to the excitement of the zealous tourists. They waved flags that read, ‘I love<3 span=""> CPEC’. One notorious dolphin had a fin-sketched sign that read: ‘Once a British colony, now a CPEC monopoly!’

“Damn this acquiescence!” exclaimed Kuttay, “Now they will also start saying ‘baji 5 stars dee jiyey ga’ after meeting the dolphins and all their travel data will be stored on that one silly QR code.”

“At least it’s better than Elon Musk’s idea of the brain microchip that will connect people’s cerebral hemispheres with the internet. Imagine someone talking gibberish because that person’s brain got hacked by the Russian hackers ... or entire nations voting for candy floss blonde individuals,” giggled Doggo.

Something colourful, yet creepy dropped out of the scrubs around, making both dogs run for their lives … though they remained restricted to their designated dog spot which they were confined within. 

“Today I’m part pink, part yellow,
I was somewhat relaxing on a rose, and stretching my tail on a sunflower.
Oh I am lovely, I am mellow,
I’m like a colour switching politician seeking power!”
“Well hello there! Gentle … errr … dogs … I am Bashir.”

*Lynn Anderson’s rose garden plays in the background*

“What brings you here, you something?” asked Kuttay.

“The resplendence of nature, the abundance of trees and touristy vibes bring me here, as I show off my colours amidst the burgeoning gardens of Nehr-e-Khayyam. What about you two?”

“Oh you know what? We’ve been here since forever; we were born to the soul of the garbage heaps when Nehr-e-Khayyam was toddling into a non-CPEC abyss. We belong to it and it belongs to us … Nehr-e-Khayyam is our raison d'être!”

With this, Bashir turned around, mumbling, “poor dogs …” and as his colour changes demeanour could have predicted, he yelled, “LIVE, TALKING FOOD AVAILABLE FOR OUR SOUTHEAST ASIAN TOURISTS … THE DISH IS CALLED RAISON D'ÊTRE!!!”

Tales and Tails of Nehr-e-Khayyam" ... Episode 4 - Monday!


Vise-free entry for Pakistanis

* Wouldn’t it be nice by Beach Boys playing in the background*

"Some Mondays ... well ... some Mondays, one just feels like dying temporarily and then waking up to a fine sunset on Friday evenings, waving at those beautiful mermaids out there ..." said Kuttay to Doggo.

"Hello darkness, my old friend!" replied Doggo, "I am always compelled to live vicariously through your dark philosophy, although I try to make sense of it ... but in vain." 

"It just seems bluer than blue! Yoohoo! Yoohoo! Oh Monday blues, take me home to the place where I belong ..." sang Doggo. "All my memories gather around her. Miner's lady, stranger to Nehr-e-Khayyam."

"YOU ARE NO JOHN DENVER! WAKE THE HELL UP, DOGGO!" retorted Kuttay and kicked Doggo with his hind leg. 

Both sat munching popcorn and watching a human, being engulfed by a large wave in Nehr-e-Khayyam ... the canal had become highly volatile and personified itself into a sea. Herons, gulls, and lapwings came for their morning meal and flew past, brandishing their meaty catch. 

The fish had 'Made in China' printed on them and were quite suicidal after landing in Pakistani, inflation-adjusted waters. The jetty at Nehr-e-Khayyam displayed the sign, "Welcome aboard but ghabrana nahi hai!"

"Why are we watching this poor, good-for-nothing-human drown and not asking anyone for help? I wonder why ..." yawned out Doggo and rolled over.

"He is from the last batch of Mr. Piddles who used to come here and pollute this scenic spot and it was our species that used to get a bad name. What for? Just for bathing and cooling ourselves down! And well, for running after those garbage collectors too." explained Kuttay in a matter of fact tone, "One human less will make this world a relatively less polluted globe."

"You see, Doggo ... what you see is not necessarily the reality. Whatever there is in front of your very round eyes is an illusion," mentioned Kuttay almost dreamily, "Life is an inverse image of what you are able to see ... like in this globe, for instance ... what you see behind it is an illusion, and the inverse image that you see is the reality."

"What you see behind is a beach ... what you see in the globe is Nehr-e-Khayyam that the architects and the government once vowed to fix but we are just wowed by the ineptness of the government. They will still make you believe that it's a beach that you see ..."

"But it is ..." said Doggo as his speech slurred and he found himself snoring on the surface of a rainbow.

A yacht went by, proudly displaying the slogan, 'Pak Cheen dosti, zindabad!"

This time it was coming for fresh dogs ...


Tales and Tails of Nehr-e-Khayyam" ... Episode 3

A scenic spot that doesn't ask Pakistanis for a passport


Introducing two characters:
1. Kuttay
2. Doggo

Doggo while dipping himself in the serene Nehr-e-Khayaam and looking like a caramel cookie, dipped in dark chocolate:

"Kuttay, I wonder what loyalty is ..." said Doggo while looking around to fetch some dead fish.
"Loyalty, my dear does not exist! You may fool yourself into believing that it does, especially because you are a dog, Doggo ... but in reality it does not ... neither does it pay you back. In fact, it bites you and it bites you hard ... you have to be like an opportunistic human to understand this ... start by trying to explain to yourself that brand loyalty does not exist ..." explained Kuttay.

"OMG ... like really? This is quite a level of existential awakening. And here I thought that it's the culmination of years of perseverance," said Doggo, "But you're likening it with inertness and personifying it with a rapid dog's attributes. Come on now, Kuttay!" said Doggo in utter disdain.

"You will not understand it until you experience it first hand," replied Kuttay, "It takes years of kicking around and running after 'inertiating' cars, and marking territories on their tyres to feel it deeply ... until the point of this depth leaving behind a vacant hole in your soul."
With this, Kuttay picked his hurt existence and jumped into the turquoise canal, creating concentric circles as Doggo counted, "One ... two ... eight ... nine. Ehhh, five ..."

Within minutes, 10 water tankers came and sucked out the entire canal's water because you know, Karachi is a water scarce city and households need water way too often than their worth. With the depleting water resources around Karachi, this too was not spared.
The canal bed had the historic, most dominating story acronym written ----- CPEC!
Haters will say they get clean tap water at home ...