Table Talk with Brownie

Thursday, October 20, 2016 Heba Moeen 5 Comments

Brownie trying to act innocent and cute to get a treat
Type of Animal: A dog
Breed: Awaara a.k.a Stray
Location: Somewhere in Clifton [hasn’t disclosed the exact location due to privacy concerns … you know … the Kutta Killing Mafia (absolutely heartless)]
Colour: Burnt Sienna
Age: Still a teenager 

Q1. Tell us about your childhood memories. 

Ans: I grew up way too fast to register a good childhood for myself, let alone be a childhood at all. When I started toddling, I found myself surrounded by this concrete jungle where I live today, amidst plastic bags that I use as pillows and beds. My mom had abandoned me, rather disappeared and knocked down by the Kutta Killing Mafia. I tell you they are vicious! Your human breed accuses our breed of not administering any birth control but then who is the one creating heaps and mountains of garbage at the corner and middle of every street for us to foster. That aromatic and cushy space becomes our safe haven, thanks to you humans.

Anyway, coming back to my childhood, I loved playing around with long forgotten balls discarded by kids and I still do, and since there has never been anyone to play fetch with me, I do it with my wagging tail. It has been my best buddy. Also, considering that it’s our innate attribute, I like taking a leak on vehicle tyres and barking my way off at the garbage sack party. In all this time I didn’t know that I grow up at such a quick pace. 

Q2. What are your current obligations? 

Ans. I’m a second time mom and this time of a litter of 9 puppies. However, now I am left with 7 beautiful kuttay ka bacchay; one just disappeared into thin air, the other was run over by a moronic human so I don’t know whom to call a kutta (dog) … my own breed or this guy who killed my gorgeous little puppy. 

Q3. Where exactly do you live and how do you ensure that food is taken care of? 

Ans: I live near a cluster of offices and schools for little human kids where the management rips their parents off in the name of education. But considering I am a breed of dogs, I have no right to comment on that.

My bedroom is under a car parked near the apartment block while my puppies’ nursery is under another car opposite to my bedroom. I like them to have their own space which is a much needed thing in today’s time and age.  And as far as the food is concerned, you can see that I am badly malnourished, you can even count my ribs with your human fingers that sometimes are reluctant to drop me food. I, however, do not like your tandoori (oven) flatbreads as I mostly prefer biscuits and meat other than rice maybe sometimes. There are some well-wishers who bring me good food, one is a driver at an office located in one of these dying shopping malls in Clifton, and a few are the blue collar workers of the sahib loug (elite class). There is also a lady who works at a nearby PR agency, she is the one who named me Brownie, she brings me food either while coming to office or while going back home. When it’s my lucky day, she brings food both ways. God has His own way of taking care of me.

You know this lady, when she comes empty handed; I still catch her and embarrass her while jumping around her. I can smell her. I have noted her timings. She smells extra good when she gets me food and I love her. You should know that we dog community animals are loyal individuals unlike some of you humans. Sorry I tend to get blunt sometimes. So pardon my bluntness, you should know I’m a dog or most specifically a bitch.

Q4. Are you ever bothered by humans in any other capacity than careless driving that makes one of you a road kill? 

Ans: I feel that if a human child’s parents do not teach him or her to respect an innocuous stray animal how would that person grow up to respect others around including humans? These are the basics.
Sometimes, some nasty kids throw rocks at us yelling, ‘Who dekho kutta!’ (‘Look! A dog!’) and again I wonder who the kuttay ka baccha really is seriously! Please learn to respect animals so that you can also learn to respect those of your kind. May God have mercy on us all in this capitalistic world.

As for some people riding motorbikes, I think these people need to be fumigated THROUGHLY! Like very, very THROUGHLY! If you know what I mean … they see traffic jams not to mention that they are the cause themselves, and they pretend to be snakes, creating a side pathway that does not exist in the first place. So they would drive their vehicle on the next thing that would be on the road or maybe resting on the footpath. Having said all this, I love the people around who care for me. I like to kiss them, lick them despite the fact that they would run and wash their hands as soon as possible because they have been touched by a napaak kuttiya! Just look into my eyes … all I have is love for people … well who feed me! Just don’t anyone dare get me the tandoori stale flatbread. Ok Thanks! 

Q5. Your husband doesn’t seem to be in the picture. Has it become a road kill too? 

Ans: No, I don’t think so, like some human husbands, ours are designed to abandon us and not live the rest of their lives taking doggie selfies. They may be loyal to humans and are sometimes not loyal to us puppy producing wives! I will comment no further on my kutta! Thank you! Next question please.

Q6. It’s been a great interview, Brownie. Do you have any message for people around? 

Ans: Oh of course! I don’t know where you are or what you do but I will find you and will … ASK FOR FOOD! Please get me food, oh pretty please. This is a plea from cute, dough eyed, highly malnourished, stray dog of your vicinity. *starts shedding crocodile tears because she knows whoever would want to bring food will bring food for her*

Some of Brownie's Puppies

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  1. This heart breaking. She needs proper food to stay healthy so she can feed her puppies :-(
    When I can feed over 100 birds everyday, I can take responsibility for feeding her too.

  2. Very interesting take. Good read even though it made me a bit sad. I always wanted to make a donkey farm where they could live in peace. People laugh at my ideas :)

  3. This is really entertaining but also sad.