Dunya News reveals Imran Khan’s Rebellious Secret

Friday, September 05, 2014 Heba Moeen 1 Comments

Dunya News took the courage to step ahead of the media clutter to reveal Mr. Khan’s secret once and for all. It wasn’t until today that the nation got to know his reality, thanks to the reporting team and the highly alert studios awaiting this perfect moment to trap the culprits.

Pervaiz Khattak and Jehangir Tareen were caught red handed on camera while smuggling breakfast to Imran Khan’s container; the TV channel’s BREAKING NEWS increased ratings as the entire nation stayed glued to their TV sets, gawking at the unbelievably shocking lines being flashed, the translation of which is as follows:

“Included in Imran Khan’s breakfast were omelette, milk, bread, butter, jam, and mangoes etcetera.”

However, it’s still somewhat unclear as to what they meant by a deadly combination of ‘jaam aur aam’ while accusing the politicians and signaling two meanings as the word ‘jaam’ could either mean jam or even a politician’s choice of the much needed energy drink. It was very inhumane of Imran Khan and his team to not to offer Dunya New's outdoor team some breakfast as it kept drooling at the sight of this extremely ELITE menu. “Who eats eggs, bread and butter in this golden democratic era of PMLN’s democrazy!?” questioned the reporter.

Meanwhile, PMLN has planned a nationwide protest as a result of this breakfast while fearing the cannibalization of their branded breakfast menu inclusive of Nihari Paey. “We are tigers with Nihari flowing in our veins,” said Mr. Sharif, “and therefore, breakfast should remain democratic, we will go to any extent possible to protect the identity of our Khoon League!”

Maulana Diesel on the other hand was found to have tampered with cooking oil by providing diesel to fry the eggs in (as told by eyewitnesses) while the bread was purchased from Mamnoon Hussain’s stall who sells dahi baray at a nearby Azadi camp in the evening. The green and red stall embellished with a crescent and star has got ‘future historic’ words printed in bold typography (Sans Serif), “GO NAWAZ GO”.

Dunya News' news casters were surprised to notice crockery being used for this special breakfast as it appeared to be against the decorum of a political gathering, provided they use their bare hands as plates, both news casters voiced their concerns at the use of crockery. Watch the breaking news.

It cannot be ignored that the omellette being served was prepared from eggs laid by special chickens of Bani Gala; this uniquely spectacular breed of corporate branded chickens have green and red plumage, PTI’s corporate colours and the eggs that they lay are also of the same colour combination. “These eggs have a hard shell like our opponent’s head but it’s very soft from inside like his brains,” mentioned an emotional supporter, although these words were censored considering the next level insult, Dunya News didn’t let go of this information either.

The number of eggs laid is directly proportional to the rate of ‘GO NAWAZ GO’ being jeered; rumour has it that the Azadi Poultry Farm is a conspiracy to attack the opposition with eggs one day. Using Princess Diana’s example to avenge people, PTI workers will be aiming opponents’ vehicles with Naya Pakistan eggs and sprinkling flour following which the climate will play it’s role (trust me, Princess Diana’s avenging style is real but it was at a time when she was just a teenager). Some have likened it to Zubaida Aapa’s ‘rebellious tips for an undemocratic democracy’.

The poultry farm that is abode to these favourite chickens has been breeding rebellious chicks, a collection of which could serve as a ticking time bomb as they have a transparent approach towards undomesticated politics.

Imran Khan has refused to consume any other type of egg as he insists on having PTI branded eggs only and prefers bread sold by the president as revenues of sasti roti (cheap bread) contribute to a certain province. However, the situation is expected to aggravate as the Supreme Court has taken suo moto notice of having breakfast.

Please! Oh please stay with Dunya News for more intellectually breaking news! It’s attempt at competing with the most watched sitcom, Bulbulay might have failed miserably but there's always a second chance.

'Naashta aa nahi raha ... Naashta aa chukaa hai! :)