Saudi Arabia regrets the Export of Faulty Nawaz Sharif and plans to have it recalled

Monday, September 01, 2014 Heba Moeen 4 Comments

 The Kingdom of Saudi Arabia has regretted the decision to export Nawaz Sharif and it’s entire Sharif product line to Pakistan following which the economy has faced a sudden downturn as a result of senseless Nihari Paey in the democratic menu. However, Pakistan expects good news as this product came with a 2 year warranty, returnable to Saudi Arabia so that it could to be used as political scrap or democratic by-product in case of malfunctioning.

The country of exile origin has planned to have it recalled soon but fears pollution because of Sharif returning as it no longer seems to serve their purpose and comes with an entire package of failure and leech like attributes. The sequence of events have unfolded at a time when the ban on marrying Pakistanis has recently been imposed knowing that you marry one and he/she could come with an entire truckload of ‘khaandaan’ (family and extended family and pets, especially in case of the Sharifs … so unlike their family name eh?).

Moreover, all attempts of image building, personification and value addition have failed as witnessed regarding Nawaz Sharif, an example of which is the popular hair transplant, no matter what style ‘it’ makes with it’s fake hair it’s still regarded by the value title, ‘Gunja’ (further nicknamed, ‘Baldie’). Knowing that Sharif is undoubtedly a downward stretch to brand Pakistan, any extension strategy applied would not at all be beneficial and it’s in the best interest of the country to completely divest it thus taking it off shelf, considering that it always rots before it’s 5 year expiry duration.

It should be known that repackaging and relaunch turned out to be futile and extremely costly, that too to Pakistan’s economy. “I still remember that day. It was October 12, 1999 and Baldie started misbehaving. He kept on fooling with the plane’s remote control despite knowing that I was inside it. I had told him several times to AVOID touching risky gadgets but he just won’t listen,” fumed his assumed step dad, Mr. Pervez Musharraf while enjoying his Cuban cigar, “actually it’s not entirely his fault, information passes into his head through osmosis and evaporates through a much faster pace because of the direct penetration of sunlight. Interestingly enough, the hair transplant hasn’t helped; you see … packaging doesn’t always change the product inside.” Musharraf’s strategy of prioritizing Pakistan’s interest over self-interest wasn’t understood by this immature product.

Saudi Arabia is also considering a second option, that is, instead of getting the Sharif’s  back home, the officials might banish them and dump them on the island that emerged near Gawadar following a catastrophic earthquake. Since the island still exists unclaimed, it might serve this urgent purpose.

After killing an endangered Siberian Tiger in the election campaign last year, the Sharif’s indirectly communicated their selfishness that ended up costing humans lives too till this date. Time and again while proving that they are the Sheikhs’ pet rocks, Sharifs felt an obligation to serve the Saudi Prince at the cost of Pakistan’s economy, it’s people and it’s ENDANGERED wildlife, thus, allowing Price Fahd bin Sultan bin Abdul Aziz Al Saud to hunt down 2,100 birds including 123 unique bustards (true story, I’m not making this up). This resulted in a public backlash that started addressing these notorious Sharif’s by an obnoxious word, simply explained, to mention this word, one has to replace the ‘u’ in bustard by an ‘a’.

As Nawaz Sharif calls out to Pakistan’s big daddy, the great Army for help, this product is sinking in a ship being pulled down by it’s own weight, apparently gravity affects heavier objects more efficiently, nothing is always as light as Newton’s apple. The side effects of this government’s corruption, election rigging and endless stupidity have been the revolutionary protests still awaiting a miracle and some revolution, people repeatedly calling this product ‘Gunja’ (because of it’s absence of self-respect) and public jeering, ‘Go Nawaz Go!’.

Saudi intervention helped this family of failed product line reacquire governance once but things appear bleak now that it’s unnecessarily occupying shelf space, all attempts of cross subsidization have miserably failed. History has an interesting way to repeating itself but Pakistan is once bitten, twice shy and shy in a rebellious way this time.

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  1. This is the creative way to insult someone! :p

  2. I was just talking about the product that needs to be divested ... sadly such news cannot be digested by some. :)

  3. So well written. I simply at awe of your humor!

  4. Damn! You guys still think it's a joke. :P