Lawn Brands Conspiring Towards Cutting Down Female Population in Pakistan

Monday, April 09, 2012 Heba Moeen 0 Comments

"For the love of lawn! Why on Earth is she wearing the same print as mine?!" Exclaimed a lady at a local mall. She apparently had bought the latest dress even before that particular brand's exhibition and what was more tormenting was to actually see someone else wearing it (in her case and many others).

"I received a punch while defending my pile in that exhibition, it's not purple eye shadow you see ... and that day,  my hair style was destroyed in the raid ... too much for spending time in the beauty salon ... besides the brand kept telling me, I am the way I am because I wear it ... oh well, that brand ofcourse," mentioned the other person accompanying her, "Don't worry, you can still flaunt yours off in front of those who are still wearing last year's prints. Oh God! Backward people ... they still wear shalwars even though trousers and choori daars are the 'in' thing!"

She went talking and talking away without noticing that her friend had swooned at the sight of a duplicate dress being worn by someone who was now her to-be-slaughetered rival.

Stories like these are not uncommon, with people spending amounts in thousands, ranging from PKR 5,000 to even PKR 50,000. Costs of accessories and stitching add up to the misery, thus embellishing the ego of many customers. Every other person has launched a Spring or Summer Collection of lawn, contributing to the brotherhood's idea of controlling the female population in Pakistan in what seems to be a crusade in lawn exhibitions. It's where people would fight amongst their own gender, thereby finding a way out towards extinction of the niche. 

The female population is already 49.01% in Pakistan, while these brands collectively have conspired against this gender, they are busy devising ways to attack the male population so that the total population could be controlled through certain parameters. Nothing else has been more effective so far.
The idea is simple; each brand runs a campaign, gets a billboard, announces an exhibition and finally invites enthusiasts to get to each other's throats and KILL, just KILL ... in what is literally set up as a wrestling ground to conquer purchases within hurdles. These women are recognised by the secret code, 'LUBJECTS' (Lawn Subjects).

According to eyewitnesses, one of the enthusiastically charged up subjects ... err ... lubjects tied her dupatta (don't worry, it was the preceding year's print and design) around another lubject's neck and swung her outside the exhibition venue ... the crows had no choice but to take the weaker lubject away. It's all DARWINISM! What else could it be? After all it's the basic concept of the plotted conspiracy. While a few of them get consumed/slaughtered in such fights, the stronger lubjects get consumed by their thoughts of a matching bag, a matching pair of sandals and complimenting laces. Therefore, it's a win win situation for the conspiracy of the lawn brotherhood.

While the plot in terms of achieving targets has been worthwhile towards females so far, ideas have been pitched for the male population too. Perhaps introducing a vending machine in malls would help, vending machines where people pop out to give you ice cream and even what seem to be empty boxes of flat screen TV's. This gender would be controlled through fist fights into a quest of who gets the most out of the so called vending machines. The world seems to be ending anyway for this map where somebody (the smiling 'khappay' dude) gets a life time achievement award for ripping it off anyway ...

In conclusion, the illustration of a real life situation of a lubject (lawn subject) cannot be ignored:

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