Mangoes to Boycott Growth post Live TV Insult

Thursday, July 24, 2014 Hiba Moeen 14 Comments

All Pakistan Mangoes Association

For Immediate Release  

Karachi – July 24, 2014: All varieties of mangoes throughout Pakistan have decided to become invisible soon and to boycott their growth in the country over the span of the coming year. This comes at a time when the mango stock is at the verge of being completely consumed and when people buy the last few kilograms as a prized possession.

Witnessing their insult in a Ramzan cum reality cum obscenely inadequate show, all mangoes observed a day of mourning and decided to become rotten from inside when peeled; half rotten if not completely rotten. “Not once in my life have I seen such an insult to our species!’ said All Pakistan Mangoes Association’s (APMA) president, Aala Chonsa while announcing the boycott, ‘We used to be consumed with respect, by dignified individuals unlike being shoved into a blender of a mouth by a serial mango psychopath. There is no doubt that the death of intellect in the society produces things like Mr. Liaquat. More shocking is this kind of audience. This is utmost greed and stupidity. In the wake of this recent disaster, we mangoes have refused to grow next year in Pakistan.” 

Further expressing the distress over the host’s rebuttal of mangoes being eaten with spoons by the educated elite, the association conveyed their condolences to mango enthusiasts. Not only did he demean this stratum of the society but he also undermined the less affluent parts of Karachi and Hyderabad, thereby declaring the respective residents to be mango molesters. “We live in Nazimabad and our ancestors have planted mango trees to eat the fruit and respect the blessing sent by God. We, by no means ridicule this gem of a fruit and do not fit into the definition elaborated by this gentleman!” said an angry human participant. 

Munna Anwar Attoul jumped with agony watching the PG rated clip of the show, I wonder what his childhood would have been like or has he still not grown yet? Anyway, there's an organisation called Karwan-e-Hayat for 'mentally distressed' people ... not sure if they would take such extreme cases but then again it's challenging to classify the species. This thing is one of it's kind! I hope extinct too as it's already feeling endangered by social media ...” 

The nation has heard of and endured electricity, water and gas load shedding but mango load shedding was never heard of. It has started happening and it’s happening now. It is expected that the losses incurred in the form of lost foreign exchange reserves resulting from potential lack of mango exports will be demanded to be compensated by Mr. Liaquat, the failure of which might result in a ban (*sigh we wish*) on the show which attracts a lack of SELF RESPECT through a mere drizzling of gifts/prizes.

Infant mangoes have been having nightmares ever since the blend-through-demise of the their healthy mango relative. They have been dreaming of a monster that yells, ‘Aam khayeyga Aam?!’ and have been found waking up wetting the fruit basket!