5 Reasons Why Shopping is a Torturous Act

Sunday, April 03, 2011 Heba Moeen 2 Comments

It’s a Test of your Survival against all odds and evens too:

Believe it or not shopping is actually a test of your relationship, your commitment, your friendship and most importantly your survival. Think of tremendously wonderful activities you could be a part of at home than go grill yourself in the already heated oven, yes these shopping malls, no matter how well air conditioned they are  they only appear to be a shoe box which you are trying to escape from. Take cloth markets for example, these would make sure you are properly suffocated with an invisible hand wrenching your throat to make your eyes bulge out into a situation that could turn out to be total darkness … Keep water with you at all times of suffering! The misery won’t be controlled but it could be managed and well … take deep breaths while you are going through slow poison. Those piles of cloth even pass wicked, mocking smiles.

It’s a test of commitment because word has leaked out that husbands too fight for their wives at lawn exhibitions. Whenever there is a painful lawn exhibition, there’s traffic jam around Dou Talwar while their billboards make sure your corneas are fully occupied, translating their colours and designs not preferred to be completely worn by their models … you know it’s hot in Karachi but then garments flowing out of every bone in the skeleton seem to be inspired by ‘designer beggars’ of mausoleums. *Forgiveness requested for touching any nerves of fashion gurus*

It attracts People into tainting Honesty:

If you happen to go with a Baby Boomer or a Generation X, research has revealed that their excitement goes beyond description to the extent of expanding your status of victimology. They would tell you that only 2 to 3 shops would need to be visited, whereas, they end up going to 5 more and doing window shopping at another 5, thus, 10 more in total. The rate of impulse buying is absolutely undefined here, until you are back home it won’t stop.

It makes you more confused:

It makes you ask a question from yourself, “What in life did I do to deserve this?” or “Why am I here in the first place” or “Why am I being brought here? This wasn’t the place negotiated … why are they doing this to me?” And finally the ultimate question overwhelms your mind … “How should I find an escape from all this torture?”

You look around for a miracle but no angels are seen available to help you, if it’s a supermarket you definitely feel like venting your anger out at one of those idiots who hit your ankles with their trolleys of try to find a way out while pushing you away…

It facilitates Gossip and Comparison:

Though it’s not always true but people tend to lend their ears to ‘whispers of fashion gossips’. People tend to talk about what others are wearing and how they could have something better than those people or how nice their stuff looks and they would want to buy the same thing. WHY ON EARTH would you want to care about what others are wearing and why would you want to even relate to others? Is it too difficult to be yourself?

At times purchase decisions are triggered by these silly morning shows and even sillier cooking shows.

The Crowd suffocates You:

Often when coming back home or going to school I am accosted with stationary objects known as ‘indecisive shopaholics’ trying to make a purchase decision over a product while standing in a horizontal line … and THEY JUST WON’T MOVE! They won’t clear the path for you to walk at your pace that you had maintained towards fetching transport. And they still don’t move!
Secondly, the rate of increasing crowd with respect to occasions would rather make you want to be either at home or your school or at work in case you are blessed with it.

Shopping or rather being taken for shopping makes you promise yourself with all your heart and soul to never let anyone do this to you AGAIN, however, proof of victimology reveals that you would fall prey again and again and again …

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  1. I could relate this to myself when lawn fever was high in karachi and I am one of the victim of it.

  2. can I borrow some part of your brain :P