“Tigers of the Jungle unite over Defamation by PMLN Government”
For Immediate Release
Karachi – August 30, 2014: All tigers of the local jungle have united to carry out a revolutionary movement against the democrazilly elected government of poor Pakistan. What became the cause of furor were Mr. Hamza Shahbaz Sharif’s words in a recent political gathering of paid protestors. “Nawaz Sharif has tiger blood in him!” he bellowed. This was enough to wake the wild animals inside the animals, the tigers.
Other tigers of neighbouring jungles are also pouring into this gathering aiming for a great cause. Not only are they demanding an apology but also a DNA test to prove Mr. Sharif’s blood type and his identity. Meanwhile, Pakistani humans have been complaining about their pets’ sudden rebellious nature and bites for a taste of their blood. Every sunset and sunrise has been witnessing strange sounds from domestic and zoo animals together, what sounded like a uniformly pitched roaring chorus was later translated by Pakistan Animal Welfare Society (PAWS) as “Go Nawaz go! --- Go! Go! Go! --- Ho! Ho! Ho! --- Yo! Yo! Yo! Go Nawaz go!”
“This derogatory remark is a conspiracy to defame our race and to spark hatred for us among the wildlife enthusiasts,” explained the tiger spokesanimal, Sher Shah Zaroori, “First they kill our endangered cousin, the Siberian White Tiger then they start calling us names. Apparently their ludicrous election campaign last year was more important than our Taya ki Aulaad that got consumed by Lahore’s heat. We hope they go through the same pain and humiliation, which they would eventually as a result of our vicious response!”
The entire wildlife stands united to support the tiger family and help rebuild the now tarnished image of this species. “We have no blood relations with humans in any capacity, especially the corrupt human politicians. If our demands are not met within 48 hours we will unleash the hunger within! We are animals of our words, therefore, there shall be no new deadline,” explained Sher Dil, The Wildlife Media Relations Officer, “Mr. Sharif along with nephew Sharif must be exiled to the jungle for 30 days without any camping equipment. This is not a picnic and should be taken very seriously. They are no hybrid versions and provided the allegations of them not being such turn out to be true, they should step down and replace the parliament with human beings,” said he while stressing the need for wildlife reputation building, all tigers have demanded the removal of all wildlife from the parliament and assemblies.
So far all negotiation attempts have failed and tiger protestors have already entered the Buffalo Zone.